here am i !

I am here. Neither exhausted nor exhilarated, I feel that I have arrived. Is this the ‘here’ that I had pursued as ‘there’ in my yesteryears or is there another ‘there’ lurking beyond horizons,  teasing to promise another ‘eureka’? Having come here, I pause.

The limbs have not tired, and my clocks have not stopped, yet I pause, neither to retrospect nor to plan. I pause because I am here, trying to extend the life of every second. Extending and constricting time is an illusion, as big or as small as one believes in one’s life.

Hope is the single ingredient to make the magic formula that extends time, just as how fear can reduce it. The momentary awareness of the moment’s magnitude or minimalism is still a projection of intellect.  Yet masters of all centuries, and their mimics in modern commercial consumerism, have all emphasized on living the moment. Have I (or for that matter you) have ever been unable to live any moment? Moments make life. If to live correctly is the only way of living, what happens to the moments that change the definitions of right and wrong?

What do moments comprise of? Happiness and sadness the two prime pillars of emotions that define and describe our state of mind have long cast a shadow long enough to hide the other more prevalent state of mind- bluntness. Hope and fear, shame and anger however come up as chosen words  for the intellect to describe itself. But moments can be empty too, like what I feel now. This is not the dispassionate drudgery of committed existence extolled in scriptures. This is the moment of truth, which does not need to be happy or sad. It is breath in its purest form, unconditioned, uninhibited, untrained and indifferent. Having come here, I pause again. A pause is an illness, as much as a stopping is death. I pause, thinking I can stop here. Since there is no stopping allowed in living, I pause pretending that I do not have to take another weary step.

I do not wish nor care to audit my life now. I refuse to make plans either. I just want to be here and watch clocks tick, and humans tick. I just want to watch the invisible flutter of the cloud. I want to watch and catch the sun’s ray as it hits a water drop. I want to be as I have never been all along. And, as is obvious, I still ‘want’.

Though wishes and wants are effortless, dreams are inexpensive and words that frame them spontaneous, the awareness of the horizon, albeit in the farthest corner of my vision,  means that I have to go on. Knowing not where or even how, assuming that all the stuff that my brain has packed would suffice to continue the journey, I know that my maps are not clear anymore. My next step is into the unknown, yet my foot lifts as it has always been doing, to place itself on what it and ‘that’ perceive as safe landing.

I am here, but is it the same spot that I was some five hundred words ago?

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8 Comments on “here am i !”

  1. sowmiya Says:

    Really i like to comment..
    But we can express only,
    if we are able to judge something,
    whether the words put front
    can be taken or not.
    But this is a new type of thought,
    i came through yet.. Do a moment
    can be without happiness or sad?
    Still am thinking!!!!!!!!!1

  2. Aiyan Kali Says:

    உலக அளவில் இதுவரை நடந்த ஊழல்களையெல்லாம் தூக்கிச் சாப்பிட்டு விடக் கூடிய, கின்னஸ் ரெக்கார்ட் ஏற்படுத்தக் கூடிய மெகா மெகா ஊழல், ஊழல்களின் சக்ரவர்த்தியுமான ஊழல் ஸ்பெக்ட்ரம் ஊழலே.

    இந்த ஸ்பெக்ட்ரம் ஊழலை இந்தியா எதிர் கொண்டிருக்கும் விதம் இந்தியாவின் எதிர்காலம் குறித்த பெரும் கவலையை ஏற்படுத்துகிறது.

    இதை வாசிக்கும் நீங்கள் என்ன செய்ய வேண்டும்?

    ஸ்பெக்ட்ரம் ஊழல்: ஸ்பெக்ட்ரம் என்றால் என்ன ?

    ஸ்பெக்ட்ரம் ஊழல் நடந்தது எப்படி?

    தொடரும் ஊழல்கள் குறித்து நீங்கள் என்ன செய்யலாம் ?

  3. Viv Says:


  4. Ravi Says:

    Emotions arise owing to the mind’s reactions and are not as such “exist”. Do come over your thoughts (just attain the state of passiveness or a mere spectator of the things around)… Neither happiness nor sadness will exist.

  5. Boopathy Says:

    candid and straight!

  6. fluffy Says:

    hi doctor..!

  7. Awesome as usual….Niether prejudiced by the past..not in the fear of the future…cherish the moment…and just the moment….thoughts seemed wandering and whispering with the words Good write

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