JK – disclaimed

This is not about ‘the J.Krishnamurthi’.

This is about my friend, who was called, by all the mutual friends- jk!

Usually a friend reminds you of a rock on which you can tread, a tree to which you can cling, a sea into which you can gaze, a sky into which you can dream, a reality in which you feel true; but, jk reminds me of a furnace- not a fire that ignites, just a furnace that destroys.

I had met him with a person who was then our mutual friend, and in the following years we had mutually decided that ‘that’ person was not a friend but a person rather well-known, infact, he was too well known to both of us to decide that he was not a friend but a person.

Jk was one of the few friends with whom I would drink. One such occasion was on the day the screen siren ‘silk smitha’ died. He called me up and said we should drink. We did. He toasted to her death. Though my glass clinked his, I could not toast to death. My wife, though agreeing that it was a moment to mourn, agreed with me. Can mourning be toasted? By that time, jk had not read Rajneesh while I had, and I was told by the master of those times that death is a celebration! I could not, and I am not sure whether he did celebrate either. He had the uncanny way of talking as though convinced even when he wasn’t !

There were times when he would land up in my house, drink and chat, and decide to leave after midnight. Since I do not drink and drive, my wife would have to take him in her then-basic (and base) two-wheeler, the sunny! When she came back after every such delivery-to-home she would complain only one thing- ‘ he keeps talking’. He kept talking, throughout his life.

He almost talked me into killing him. He said I should not see him suffer. He said I should make him exit the world in dignity. He said I have to as a friend, kill him before he kills his image- well, not in so many words. I didn’t.

He died with a cancer. He suffered. I saw him suffering. He pleaded even in those later days of his life to me, to put an end to him. I couldn’t. Not just because he was my friend, but simply because I couldn’t.

And he died; I heard that he died in pain. I avoided my own pain of seeing him in pain- and I wasn’t ashamed of that. I had to go and see him as a dead body, a pale blueing body in an icy cage. I did not cry when that image struck me in reality. I just ran away, just as how I ran away from his death-wish.

That evening, I was there at the crematorium, I saw his body and the lies (that he had collected all his life) arrive. With the permission of those who were blatantly in authority I joined the few hands that lifted his body onto the slide of the final furnace. And then,

I kissed his forehead. The man whose nails had not brushed with mine, had become a body whose forehead brushed with my lips! Shunning the shocked eyes, my eyes focused on the body sliding through the furnace, to be enveloped by a flame. Even now as I type I feel the heat of the flame that engulfed the body of my friend, but I do not cry.

In 1998, I needed 25,000 Rs. and he had enough contacts if not bank balance to arrange that for me. He didn’t. I was not trustworthy enough for that amount. In 2005, he gave me a watch and said it was RADO! I gifted that to someone just to be reminded in 2008 that it was an imitation! He had told me Rajneesh was crap, and he told me in his dying days that the only solace he derives from life is by reading Osho!

He had not done many things for me! In fact, he did not do many things for me that he could have done. Yet, he was (the verb has to be past in grammar though the meaning will remain in the present-continuous) MY friend

Friendship is not by what they do not do, but what they do to you. The doing is love.

I loved JK, who loved JK (jiddu), and I love JK!

Explore posts in the same categories: just writing, Uncategorized

13 Comments on “JK – disclaimed”

  1. Amrutha Says:

    “Friendship is not by what they do not do, but what they do to you. The doing is love.”
    excellant doctor.trust will not demand any proof likewise true friendship never demands any materialistic proof from both sides. thought provoking

  2. Madhavan Says:

    It reminds me of the book “”Home with God” by Neale Donald Walsch that i read recently where death is explained so beautifully.

    Your narration of his body passing thro the furnace and not crying, made me to realize, indeed you celebrated his death with your love.

  3. Surya Says:

    It really pains and aches when one dear to one’s heart leaves this planet, albeit, everyone has to vacate this planet, sooner of later. I just remember what I read DEATH IS NOTHING BUT THE ‘CEASING’ OF THE SENSES, AND THERE IS NOTHING TERRIBLE IN NOT LIVING.
    I have seen several who, even after the demise of their loved ones, live with their thoughts fully blown and blossomed.
    suryanarayan S

  4. haran Says:

    நாம் விரும்பிய பல விஷயங்களை நாம் செய்யவில்லை; நாம் விரும்பாத பல விஷயங்களை நாம் செய்துவிட்டோம். ஆனாலும் நாம் நம்மை வெறுக்கவில்லை. நம்மை நாம் ’அப்படியே’ ஏற்றுக்கொண்டபோது, மற்றவர்களையும் ’அப்படியே’தானே ஏற்றுக் கொள்ளவேண்டும்! சரிசமமாக நடத்துவதுதானே உண்மை அன்பு.

  5. VAS Says:

    very well written article tribute to a friend. It reminds me of phrase written by columbian writer Marquez “Death constant beyond love”. But is it true that more love and affection does not make us to cry? but it happens in my life also. During my life journey, i also lost few near and dear’s. But crying not happened to me also… is there any psychological reason behind it?

  6. sowmiya Says:

    it remembers me the lines
    in one of the
    vannadasan’s article..
    “piriyam piriyathukagave”
    (he too referenced from
    someone else i suppose)

  7. Rajkumar Says:

    For a minute i thought it was the other JK. JK whom you have mentioned is(not was) an interesting person. A mixture of commercialism and intelectualness (ism) why did you remember him all of a sudden. where is the topicality

  8. rudhran Says:

    raj, i was thinking of baboons and their congress and i was reminded of kamdar no other topicality!

  9. seetha Says:

    if you had really read ‘K’ or osho, this post wouldnot have come about

  10. Mohan Kumar Says:

    Sir, I am an admirer or your speech & writing. Saw your blog only today.

    This article is very touching and well written.

    I lost one of my best friend at the age of 25 and when he was in ICU and almost was about to die, I did not see him. Nor I saw him after he was dead. He was taken to his native place from chennai for cremation and I did not have the courage to see him as dead. Your article reminds me of that experience only.

    But I haven’t forgot him. Along with our other friends, we published his poems which was well received in the literary circle in Tamil. We still conduct an annual oratorical competition in a blind school in his memory since he was a good orator.

    That noble soul’s name is Lakshmanan.

  11. uthamanarayanan Says:

    jk had not read Rajneesh while I had, and I was told by the master of those times that death is a celebration! I could not, and I am not sure whether he did celebrate either. He had the uncanny way of talking as though convinced even when he wasn’t !

    The cut and pasted lines of you as shown above is an example of many of the narrations of Osho.Having read him, and left him behind long back.Any way your writing on a friend is indeed good and makes something churn inside.Bye

  12. Deepa Says:

    Very moving.
    //Friendship is not by what they do not do, but what they do to you. The doing is love.//
    How true.

  13. Prasanna Says:

    Is it good to cry in life. I feel like crying all the time. Better I am planning not to cry anymore. Am I normal If I do not cry. Please help me.

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