Archive for September 24, 2008

guru series, pogontrophy apart

September 24, 2008

there are just too many of them, and they keep coming. they are no more in remote corners of tricky jungles or dingy caves in steep mountains. they are all over the media. they come to you, even if you don’t want to go to them. the spiritual market was never better.

in the new globalized commercial illusion of India, these savvy ‘gurus’, have a niche market. they create the demand and supply you with ready stock. marketing costs and manufacturing costs of a ‘guru’ are ofcourse naturally added on to the buyer’s bill. yet there they are, flourishing in a business that has no internal or external audit. their customer/client base keeps increasing.

as a once-upon-a-time consumer of the spiritual salad, and as an envious-but-shy entrepreneur who contemplated the spiritual market, i had studied the game rather keenly, and i presume thoroughly. it was just my nature that did not allow me to take the risk and enter this spiritual business. the nature that is clear about self-respect and the risk of looking at my mirror and feeling ashamed, just did not make this venture begin. maybe i am writing this out of jealousy.

i have as much hair on my face as all the best in the business to pass off as a guru. but then, becoming and continuing to be a guru is not just a matter of pogontrophy!  (this is one of the tricks i had learnt in those early days- use a term preferably in an obscure language, when you are talking of mundane every day things. that is why i call it pogontrophy when i should simply say it is a matter of hair!)

since i had seriously contemplated on this business, i had even classified the types of gurus who sell.  they can be  primarily divided into talkers and non-talkers. hair is incidental. if it grows fine, if not you can always go totally clean shaven, head included. after all you are voluntarily shaving your own head., unlike the tamil phrase which implies you shave others’ heads.

the talkers are more difficult to copy. though they have a sufficient supply of material from Rajneesh, they still have to keep studying atleast the names of some religious not-so-well-known texts, in order to keep giving their words of wisdom. this is a tricky game, and to excel in this, one needs language and oratory skills apart from hair!

the non-talkers too need some special skills. though materialization is not that difficult a task to master, it does become difficult when one has to source gold ornaments from somewhere. keeping this a confidential deal is a long term business arrangement which needs  lots of organizational and bargaining skills. after all, when VIP customers come, simple ash will not suffice.sometimes, as it happened in the house of a rationalist-allegedly-self-proclaimed-atheist-VIP, you may run out of supply and after giving three rings you may suddenly encounter another VIP asking for the fourth ring!

if you happen to be a non-talker type of guru, and have not mastered the art of producing gifts,you can hug,kiss,spit,kick and roll over with the awe struck disciples. anything goes in this game.

all gurus are spiritual conduits! so there should be a promise! even if you talk about Zen, you may have to essentially hint at the previous and future births. all gurus have a pseudo-god halo. so until the time comes when you can anoint yourself as the God hitherto-sublime-but-hereafter-manifest, you have to be content with just being a guru. but the wait is never futile. depending on your marketing and networking skills it should happen in a couple of years.

though this is a business that sells to idiots, one just cannot be an idle by-stander. after all, it is not just a matter of hair.

there is so much more to be written. i shall try to devote a daily quota of time for this divine contemplation, and in the meanwhile i need your feedback to continue.